covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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