i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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