So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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