Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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