There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
