I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
