keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
