Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So apparently I’m into choking now
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
