don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
