I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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