wrigley field is MILF paradise
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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