i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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