well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just google imaged poop.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
