btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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