Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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