well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I still have a little drunk in my system
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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