We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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