speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
