What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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