remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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