I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
