If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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