Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
