You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
