Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
