I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
