so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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