i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
