Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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