Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
