Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
