i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
