I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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