hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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