YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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