If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
