i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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