He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
