i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
