i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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