You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
