you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize