Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
