you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
