...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
