I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
