Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
