He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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