Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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