there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
