I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
