Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
