Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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