Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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