What did we do last night that was yellow?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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