My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize