i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
