WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
