idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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