i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
