thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
