I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
