We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I met the friendliest cop last night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
