i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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