the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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