if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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