New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
