Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
