I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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