Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
