not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
